I was reminded that I never finished my ramblings about the rendezvous with my new boy-toy at Walmart last Saturday. I sort of lost my thunder about retelling the story after loading on all the pictures of the kids first day of school. Then it seemed somehow creepy to sandwich their smiling faces between posts about a semi-toothed, personal-space invading, bumcrack showing tire man. I'll leave you with a few choice, albeit random, thought nuggets from the experience:
(By the way, my friends and I created a list in eighth grade of the most disgusting words--I can still remember most of them and 'nugget' still holds the #1 position. Sick. Nothing sounds good described as a nugget--not even a gold one. Although when I found this picture labeled "Nugget Power" featuring Jeremy’s boyfriend, I almost changed my mind about hating the word. What a great Christmas present for Jeremy--a little Archey Nugget.
*If there was a contest about how many times you could catch someone leering inappropriately in a two hour span, I would be the winner and the Tire Guy would be the PERV...which just reminded me of a funny Office episode...can't wait till it starts up again.
* Do you think Walmart's insurance would cover a botox procedure for a "condition" involving excessive sweating of the bumcrack? Or perhaps this particular walmart employee already had his armpits botoxed, and my friend is right--that the sweat starts coming out in less desirable places. It's surprising how sweat becomes way less appealing when it's being flung on you by Walmart veteran tire-installer "Ricky" instead of Mraz.
* Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode about the Sideler? The guy that always sneaks right up next to you out of nowhere? Well, cross that guy between the other episode with The Close Talker, and you've met the Tire Guy. After he invited me into the dimly lit, CLOSED garages of Walmart to crouch down and see the hole in my tire, we had to search my car for the spare. Every time I'd stand up or turn around from looking under or inside the car, he'd be right up on me. I almost screamed once because he startled me so bad...that and I really, really wanted to avoid any actual physical contact.*Despite guesses from Jeremy and nameless friends (Kris and John), NO! I did not hug him or flash him as a form of payment. Because he couldn't fix the flat and didn't have a replacement, he said there was no charge. But I felt guilty because he had spent alot of time already working on it, so I did give him a $10 bill and worried the whole way home that I could see him following me in my rear view mirror.
WAIT! Do you think once he got here he would wash windows? I might even be tempted to flash him for that.
And no (jessica), I didn't get up the nerve to snap his picture so you could grasp the nastiness. Exercise your imagination.
4 comments:
You should have TOTALLY had him pose for a picture with your arm around his thick waist and maybe your pinky at the top of his crack. That would have been sexy.
i like the word nugget. it reminds me of little balls of kid poo. that makes since for MY kids because they eat so many nuggets.
OK, so for a minute I actually thought that you took the "bum crack" picture. At least he didn't stare at your boobs while you walked, or did he? That happened to me once. I was seriously close to asking him to talk to my face. And really, what is so appealing about my Jell-o-esk Mom utters?? That became their new name after Trenton was born.
Laura,
I found your blog through Jessica's. You are absolutely hilarious! Now I know where NOT to go when I need a tire fixed. Hee...hee.. I love reading your blog.
ew... that creeps me out. i would have said something to him like.. "hey can you give me some space please?" ew.
Post a Comment