Friday, April 4, 2008

Ramblings: The Glorious Boob Tube

Lately I've been whining (or "winding" as Maddie says) about the fact that there are no new episodes of "our shows" to look forward to after the kids are asleep, or at least when they're locked behind closed doors and their screams for water, the toilet, and all other non-blood related emergencies are sufficiently muffled. (Oh, how I love TiVo. He has enhanced (and increased) our TV viewing experience). But luckily, our new shows are starting up again soon so that all day I can look forward to whatever will be recorded while I'm fighting the kids to go to bed, only to be enjoyed later--commercial free--with a cold diet coke, a warm bowl of popcorn, and a fresh box of Milk Duds. (The looking forward all day part just shows you how awesome my daily grind is--a good sitcom episode is the highlight of my day.)

The popcorn/dud combo is a fabulous family secret that I will share with you. Eaten together, it's like a fresh little batch of caramel popcorn RIGHT IN YOUR MOUTH--with alot less work.

Did anyone else watch the two hours of The Office reruns last night in preparation for next week's new episode? The best lines from all four episodes: "I can see the security guard's eyes! I have to do something to his eyes...The eyes are the groin of the head." and "Wanted, middle-aged black man with sass. Big butt, bigger heart."

So this is my segue to today's "10" list. Over the years there have been shows that are "our shows"--meaning they are only to be viewed in the company of each other, or with explicit permission (say if he's out of town on business all week or if I'm...uh, ok. I'm always here, so no problem there). It is the ultimate betrayal to watch a new episode of one of our shows without waiting for the other person, and the crime is punishable by death. Or one to two minutes of the evil eye, depending on the show.

Since we've been married, there have been many shows we've enjoyed (I'm sure I've forgotten some--but these are the ones that I remembered.)

10 Shows We've Wasted Way Too Much of the last 10 Years Watching

1. Law and Order--10 years ago this show was at it's peak, before all the weird and numerous variations and spin-offs. We'd come home in the afternoon from classes at BYU and watch one (or five) of the episodes constantly playing on TNT. Now Jeremy can't stand any courtroom dramas because he is too cool with all his lawyer-ness and they are "so fake."

2. Felicity--Jeremy will DENY this till the day he dies--but he knew just as much as I did about whether Felicity was on again/off again with Noel and Ben and all the crazy stuff her roomate Megan did. This show was like Saved By the Bell on steroids. Pure! Genius!

3. National Geographic Explorer--During the first summer after we were married, we were living in San Jose (Milpitas, to be exact) in a studio apartment and working together at an atrociously stressful job that consumed every hour from about 6 AM until 11 PM, six days a week. Sundays were our only days off (oh, and half a day on the 4th of July to celebrate all our freedom and all). After church we'd take a nap (ah, those really were the good ole days), take a walk around our apartment complex, then watch a couple episodes of National Geographic Explorer. We'd learn about whacky places, animals, and insects all over the world--but the whole time dreading that in less than 12 hours we'd have to start the week all over again. It's sad that job almost killed our love of nature, and that we did that job for two more summers after that.

4. Everybody Loves Raymond--The best part of this show was that there was something to relate to in every episode. We had either said or done the exact things they were showing between Ray and Deborah. The one where he does a bad job loading the dishwasher to get out of doing it was ON THE MONEY.

5. Survivor--We, like the rest of the world, were obsessed with watching this show when it came out. It didn't last too long for us, though. After loving the first two or three seasons of seeing scheming, emaciated, and unshaven people running around in an attempt to win shelter or peanut butter, it all seemed a bit "been there, done that."

6. 24--We caught onto this show a few seasons after it started. We then joined Netflix for the sole purpose of renting and watching every DVD in the seasons we missed to catch up. Did I mention we are losers? If you are ever in the need of a bodyguard, call Jack Bauer. He has more lives than all cats combined...and not too hard on the eyes, either.

7. American Idol--We have watched this from it's beginnings and of course, the best episodes are where the vocally (and usually socially) challenged audition and sing like they really believe they are the long lost twin of Whitney Houston or Bon Jovi. We never sit and watch the "results" show where they announce which of the final 12 gets kicked off--TiVo is nice enough to fast forword to the last five minutes. Then we watch them announce the name, and after they crush the kid's hopes and dreams, they hand him a microphone and shove him out there crying, to sing the very song that he performed so badly the night before that it got him voted off. Did I mention they are usually crying so hard that their voices get all weird and 'a bit pitchy, dawg.'

8. 48 Hours Mystery--I fully recommend this bit o' real life drama. And I've noticed that there's a remarkably high number of women that when they feel like they could just kill their husbands, THEY DO. It also gives me some good tips on how NOT to get caught, in the hypothetical event I would ever need that kind of knowledge...

9. The Practice--In it's heyday, we waited on pins and needles from week to week for the new episode. Perhaps this is where Jeremy learned some of his cross-examination techniques...Oh, and he LOVED Ellenor (Camryn Mannheim). Every week I had to hear him gripe about why would anyone need 15 earring holes in one ear.

10. The Office--Save the best for last. I've probably seen every episode at least three times, and every time they just get funnier. I've heard they are doing a spinoff show with Dwight in another office. Question: How can this show stay as funny without DWIGHT? Answer: It just wouldn't be the same. True Office lovers will get that.

Oh, and I forgot Arrested Development--the absolute most brilliantly written show on TV ever. Witty and smart and so dang funny. (And everytime we watch it Jason Bateman reminds us of my cousin's husband, Thomas.) But then it died and we are forced to watch the three lonely seasons repeatedly on DVD.

Umm, did I mention we have no lives?


Andrea said...

Absolutely yes we watched the 2 hours of The Office in preparation for Thursdays to be right again!

Andrea said...

Oh, and I can't wait to try the popcorn/dud combo. I've already got the diet coke and popcorn thing going, but I would have to say adding Milk Duds would make it perfection. Why didn't I think of that sooner? Oh, and thanks a lot. Like I needed that.

Laura said...

Wished you lived closer...we could have a weekly Office party--Like they do their birthday parties. I could hang green streamers and you could tell me that green is whorish.