Saturday, August 1, 2009

Ramblings: No shoes, no shirt...have a cheesestick.

To the Large, Hairy, Oblivious Man Standing next to me in the dairy section of Costco,

Please, please refrain from actually lifting up your oh-too-tight t-shirt to scratch your oh-so-hairy belly as you chat with your wife about what a great deal that economy, day-care sized bag of cheese sticks is. You are in public, you know. At a grocery store, no less. I mean, the itch may really be there, but either 1) scratch the belly on top of the tiny t-shirt or 2) if the itch indeed requires nails on skin contact to be satisfied, do us all a favor and hop on over to the men's room and then scratch away. No one in there would probably even notice.

But in the dairy section?! There are many, many other people around you that--believe it or not--may NOT be turned on by the sight and sound of your fingernails scratching against that thick, sandpapery layer of belly hair that's exposed in full sight. Gross! I mean it--I barfed a little in my mouth.

And right then I made up my mind that I didn't need those 2 gallons of milk after all. Especially because I just saw you use your scratching hand to open the refrigerator door to grab something. {shiver} Calcium is highly overrated for growing kids, right?

And let me tell you, bear-like man with your protruding, round beer-gut, it's a good thing I haven't eaten lunch yet or they'd be announcing a clean up in aisle 7.

Signed,
Temporarily Lactose Intolerant

3 comments:

The Lowe Family said...

one time i read a sign that said, "Women: No shirt, No shoes...BETTER service" I'm gonna try this out to see if it's true.

Deanna said...

GROSS....I'm sensing those delicious potatoes you made are on their way back up. Ugh!!!

Randi said...

Thanks for not sneaking a picture with your iphone to give us a peek at what you saw. :) Funny!