Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Ramblings: Won't you be my neighbor?


I'm starting to take offense people. Seriously. I didn't think we were THAT bad of neighbors...but maybe so. Currently about 3 of the 5 houses nearest to us are for sale. The neighbors are fleeing in a mass exodus, apparently to get away from us.

First, the neighbors to our right took off one night--they packed up their stuff and abandoned the house to move back to California. They just disappeared. Nice. And the house is still sitting there, sad and empty and oh so cute. Then, the house diagonally across from us went up for sale. We see car after car stop by with the realtor, but not much other activity. Then last week, the house directly across from us suddenly had a For Sale sign in the front yard. Come on, what is going on?

We did some hard-hitting investigating, Dateline-style, to find out why they were moving (actually, we ran into the guy while he was getting his mail and casually asked him why they were selling). HIS story is that he got transferred to San Antonio for his job. MY theory is that all the 100,000 decibel squeals, wrestling matches, dance parties, and the general noises from our carrying-on travels through our brick walls, across the street, and through his brick walls. He's had enough.

But I really, really, want some cool peeps to move into one of these houses. They are cute houses and have huge, awesome backyards. If you are fabulous and want to be my neighbor, I promise to 1) control my hooligans and keep them off your property at all times; 2) bring you baked goods at least once a week; 3) get your mail and newspaper for you when you go out of town; 4) give your kids TONS of good chocolate candy on Halloween for you to steal; 5) finally attach the trampoline stakes that I ordered two years ago, so that our trampoline doesn't take flight again and find its way over the fence and into your backyard; and the final and most important thing-- 6) I will never be sneaky and take pictures of you to make fun of on the blog.

I've resisted this all these years with our neighbors across the street-- and he runs hilarious looking sprints back and forth in front of his house in teeny-tiny little running shorts. But not until after doing a set of ridiculous stretching activities against his brick mailbox, showing off WAY more of his 50 year old white legs than I ever cared to see. So just imagine how difficult it was for me to resist capturing that image on camera. Oh, and the first time we met him, he shared way T.M.I. about catching his teenage son with marijuana and another time "catching" him with his girlfriend upstairs. It was definitely an awkward transition in the same conversation from "Hi. Nice to meet you, we're your new neighbors" to "oh my, well, uh, hope everything works out with that weed situation. Maybe, uh, you could train your dog to sniff for illegal drugs and naked teenage girls..."

But now, since they're moving, I may just have to whip out my camera and document some of that craziness. But if YOU were my new neighbor, I would NEVER mention you or your tiny running shorts and/or drug habit. Unless of course you wanted me to, but that sounds like an altogether different issue...

So please, please, WON'T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR? I don't bite...hard.
(Jeremy will be so proud that I just quoted from Austin Powers.)

Man, I never thought I'd ever have a post with pictures of both Austin Powers and Mr. Rogers on the same page. It's making me kind of uncomfortable. Sorry Mr. Rogers.

10 comments:

Lydianne said...

Aww...we would love to be your neighbor! We're not moving out of this house yet, but let us know if the houses are still available in 5 years or so. Do the kids in your neighborhood play outside? The kids in ours don't, and I wish they did...what's up with that? I hope you find the bestest neighbors ever who will do all of that stuff you listed back to you.

The Lowe Family said...

we'd love to move in! save the best one for us in january 2012. and same as lydianne...i only like nighborhoods where kids roam free. is it like that there?

Randi said...

I wish I could be your neighbor! It would make my drive to work a lot less sucky!!! I am already tired of the drive...yicks!

Larman Family said...

You are too funny! I bet if we moved across the street the kids could totally have a contest to see who could scream the loudest, but that might just drive away all the other cool people that live near by.

Shaela said...

Hmmm. I would love to be your neighbor... but I don't think we will be leaving Utah any time soon... We could have so much fun reminiscing on the past and making fun of neighbors together. And I could totally be on board with the baked goods once a week... and we could trade babysitting kids to go on fabulous getaway vacations... hmmm, now ya got me thinking... :)

Lindsay said...

i'll move in... :) just give me a 3 years. i'll be there in a jiffy after that!!

Lindsay said...

ps. mr. rogers used to scare me as a child.

Deanna said...

Maybe if Jeremy wore clothes more like Mr. Rogers people would want to be your neighbor. Try that! Or even better, dress the boys like him too.

Deanna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

For weekly baked goods, I'll totally be your neighbor.