Monday, August 18, 2008

Ramblings: Twins cause Mental Demise (and alot of property damage)


I've taken a blogging break for the passed few, days. Not because I wanted to, but because anytime I turn away from the dynamic duo of disaster, BAD things happen. BAD things including:

*Flooding my bathroom with three inches of water

*Removing their diapers from pre-bath bodies, smashing and spreading poop all over freshly steam-cleaned carpet

*Chewing 100 tampons open, ripping them apart, and throwing them around my closet--this is the SECOND box (which was hidden) to replace the first box they did this to.

*Opening a bottle of chocolate syrup, spreading it over 2 couches, squirting it down the hall, into their bedroom, into a clothes hamper full of clothes, into the toy box, all over the cribs, and for fun--back down the hall into my room

*Jumping on the kitchen table and swinging the pendant lamp above it and laughing hysterically while trying to dodge it and not fall off the table

*Pouring out an entire box of cereal across the kitchen and then jumping on each piece to make sure it's as "bah-ro-ken" as possible

*Throwing every item of makeup I own into the bathtub and then turning on the water full blast, ruining anything powdery

*Finding Maddie's stash of markers and crayons and coloring all over the coffee table and tile floors

And these are just most of the BAD things that happened in the past few days. I think I've blocked out the even more traumatic ones in an effort of mental self-preservation. And no, I don't let the twins run wild without supervision. I check on them at LEAST every three minutes because that's how fast quiet, calm, puzzle playing can turn into a naked poop fest in the dining room. And my ridiculous off-white carpet has been steam cleaned three complete times this week. And the chocolate syrup covered areas received four extra cleanings with various stain removers each time trying to get out all the evidence of their attack. And why don't I have any pictures of these things? I am not quite recovered enough even several days after to think it's funny--so I was most definitely not in the mood for Kodak moments upon discovery. People with twins have warned me they get into more trouble because they have a partner in crime, but I had no IDEA. Calgon, take me AWAY. Or at least point me in the direction of a qualified pill-dispensing doctor (or a non-qualified street dealer--at this point I'm not picky), so maybe at least I'll think these things are funny when they happen.


Kimball & Marianne Larsen said...

You're right. Not funny. I'm so sorry! What a week! Kimball and I always say, "Kids are so hard on a house." Then I figure it's the Lord's way of teaching me not to LOVE my house, or anything material for that matter. Because once I show any sign of wanting to love it or keep it private or sacred.... it's destroyed.

Many thoughts of sanity your way.

Travis and Jamie Shepherd said...

WOW. That's all I have for ya. And ditto with what Marianne said. The tampon thing reminds me of what my brothers did one day. Ofcourse it was a SAMs club size box, and they filled the toilet with every single one. I guess at least they didn't harm anyone else. Trenton rubbed my expensive bottle of zit cream into my nephews (he was 2 months old) eyes one day. Good thing that Trenton was only 2 at the time. Other wise I may have strangled him.

The Lowes said...

i feel really stressed for horrible but i am quite dissapointed you have no hard evidence of these catastophies. if i were blogging police you'd be given a very STERN warning to keep your camera a little more handy and a lesson on how to remove your feelings from the current situation. I took a picture of a decomposing rat for crying out loud all while convulsing and foaming at the mouth from fright and hysteria.

Amy said...

Sounds like fun.

Pamela said...

I don't even know what I'd do with twins...Jacob has done all of that several times...ok not the chocolate syrup, but everything else and if he'd had a partner? I shudder to think! Actually, I'd probably be crying all the time!

Ciana said...

Can you call and ask for disaster relief? Does homeowners insurance cover house cleanup from destruction in the wake of hurricane Aidan and Avery?

brent and kashann said...

I really hope you are just being funny and this stuff isn't really true! I honestly cannot imagine any of it let alone all of it in one week. Laura you need a sister wife, a stay at home husband, a nanny or something to help you! How do you do it?