1. On the way home from playgroup, pre-naptime. The boys had been up since 5 AM and had officially become irrationally cranky and intolerable.
Aidan (at the top of his lungs): I HAVE A WEDGIE. MOM, pull over! (crying now and screaming) I. HAVE. A. WEEEDDDDGGGGGGIIIIEEEEEEEEE. AUGHHHH! I can't get it out!!! (Two seconds later in a much quieter voice...) Oh. I got it out.
Avery: How you get it out?
Aidan: (screaming again, but with major contempt) I AM NOT going to tell you how I got my wedgie out. Never!!
Avery: (now screaming) MOM!!! Aidan won't tell me how he got his wedgie out!!
Me: (mumbling to self) This is what it's come to...fighting about wedgie removal.
2. On the way home from scouts that night. I was chauffeuring Alex and his friend home.
Alex: Nice to ride home with you Max, I'll see you at school tomorrow.
Me: (laughing) Alex, we still have 10 minutes. Why are you saying your goodbyes already?
Alex: Oh. I don't know. (turns to Max) What do you want to talk about?
Max: (weirded out by such a random, yet direct question) Uh, I don't know.
Alex: Hmm. (3 second pause) How about explosions?
Max: Ooh. Ok. Yeah. Explosions.
They then enter into a 10 minute conversation revolving around fantasy explosions, death, and mass destruction.
I've said it once, and I'll say it again:
BOYS ARE WEIRD and I DON'T GET 'EM.
You could've read about this on Thursday if I hadn't discovered my keyboard sitting in a puddle of water that morning. The good news is that the water was contained to the keyboard area. The computer was LUCKILY (for the well-being of the children) not dripping. I bet you're surprised the keyboard was the only victim, so was I. But the bad news -- only the right half of it still worked. There's not a large selection of words that only use the letters on the right side of the keyboard--believe me, I tried. Milk, pimp, mom, kill...and I stopped there because it was leading me down a scary path.
But we're back in business with a new one that arrived today. And still, no one's claimed the spill--this is gross, but I even sniffed the mysterious liquid drenching the keyboard to see if it was pee. DO YOU REALLY BLAME ME? IS THAT SO FAR OUT OF THE REALM OF POSSIBILTIES AROUND HERE?
Nighty night. I'm gonna go talk about explosions. Or wedgies. I haven't decided yet.