A factual fairy tale for your amusement...
Once upon a time there was a large whale-like princess that waddled around her castle while trying to keep her unruly subjects in order. Or at least attempted to keep them off of tall and/or dangerous furniture. Her body was constantly sore and her belly was LARGE. And throughout the night, because the whale-like physique encroached so much on her bladder's territory, she waddled off to the bathroom at least three times in the darkness. Seriously. Dark. Helen Keller style--no lights necessary. The routine occurred in complete darkness because as anyone else that's been whale-like knows, completely waking up in the middle of the night is a dangerous proposition. The whale-like princess may NEVER get back to sleep, no matter how exhausted or tired she may be.
So the whale princess finally flipped on the lights and after her eyes cleared, she looked down and saw a very dazed and flittering wasp on the floor. (Can you blame him? He just got stepped on by a whale.) And indeed, her foot was already turning red and swelling around the needlepoint sized dot in the arch of her foot. And then it began to sting. Alot. And then it throbbed. Alot. And the princess still had to pee. Alot. But for fear that the wasp might still decide to attack again, she couldn't risk using that bathroom and so she hobbled out into the hall. And maybe she was cursing that wasp under her breath. Just a little.
(Did the princess mention the prince is in trial this week? Meaning he's been absent around the castle since sometime last week. Including the entire weekend which REALLY ticked the princess off. And he sneaks in at weird hours and then leaves a very cranky princess in the wee morning hours.) Little does the prince know, he may find that his key and garage opener don't work by the end of this week.
But luckily the whale-princess's hollers brought the prince running because he thought the princess was in labor. Apparently she had PAIN in her voice--whether from the incredibly growing mass of a foot or from having to go the bathroom so badly--we will never know. And so the prince squashed the evil villain and the princess finally got to pee. (A new spin on the Princess and the Pea.) And yes, as if the princess didn't have enough trouble sleeping through the night due to the impossibility of finding any comfortable position with her whale belly, now she had to endure a foot that felt as if it was on fire.
And so today, the tired princess is hobbling and waddling around with one very inflamed and painful foot. Because she needed another reason to have a bad attitude and to walk funny. (I just googled "swollen feet" to try to find a funny picture. TRUST ME. I am doing you a favor by not showing any--most of them were really nasty.)
And so the princess and the 2 little subjects that have yet to start preschool (2 more weeks), are headed off (full of SPITE with REVENGE on the mind) to buy lots of this:
The whale princess has decreed: DEATH TO ALL WASPS.