Ramblings: Pardon me

Sorry about the absence--all the rest of us that weren't in the first round of sickies have been busy biting the dust. The boys got some stomach virus, and as much as I LOVE cleaning up throw up, I'm glad that it seems to have passed. There's nothing like cleaning vomit chunks from between the cushions of my leather couch that makes me appreciate the fact that Alex was old enough to make it to the toilet every time he threw up--which was about 100 times in 1 1/2 days. I think we're all on the mend--for now.

Jeremy decided to get the flu for a couple of days and sleep under 6 inches of down blankets because he was feverish and had the chills. One night he woke up and hollered, "I'm so HOT!" To which I replied, "Take off your blankets then." And then he said in a huff, "I'm glad you think this is funny." I didn't... but now I do since he has NO recollection of that entire event. He was delirious or high on NyQuil or something. Luckily, I only felt like a cement truck parked on my upper body for about three days. I'm finally getting my energy back and managed to vacuum the entire downstairs without sitting down for a break or passing out from dizziness.

And hopefully our sick little niece Caroline will be over the worst of it soon, too. She's been battling the flu for awhile now and just got hospitalized on Sunday with pneumonia. She's just about the happiest and smiliest kid you'll ever meet, so we hope she's home and healthy again soon. And I hear she's been promised a lifetime supply of Happy Meals out of the deal, too. I'm documenting it here for her so she'll have proof later on if her dad tries to deny it.


And congrats to Jessica who will hopefully be making it through the winter flu-free with her brand, spanking new baby boy, August.

And sadly, I hear that we won't get to see his birth video (which I really NEEDED to see because it was all-naturale and drug-free) because the camera-woman decided to get hungry in the exact 40 seconds it took Jessica to go from a 4 to 10, and then pop the little nugget out. And if you don't know what any of those numbers mean, than you FOR SURE have never been a woman in labor, or had your hand almost squeezed to death and/or your head almost ripped clean off your stump of a neck by a woman in labor.

I'm loving his little toupee of dark hair. I hope it all stays in. But then she may try to dress him in girlie clothes and stick bows in it...Four boys will make you do crazy things.

Rant: Another one bites the dust

Sunday night Alex started complaining that he was sick. At first we wrote in off as jealously because Maddie was getting all the attention and special treatment because of her "strip throat." She kept calling it something different everytime she talked about it. Stuck throat, straight throat, strepped throat, and our favorite--strip throat. Here she is

But a few hours after we went to bed, he woke us up and we knew he wasn't faking. He's been pretty miserable since then, and it went even further downhill early this morning when he started vomiting and not being able to keep anything down. The doctor was able to squeeze us in last night, so instead of going to piano lessons, we loaded up and I hauled everyone to the once-again PACKED and totally germ-infested doctor's office.

His strep test--negative. Flu-test--negative but probable. She thought that because it was early into it that his viral load wasn't high enough yet to make it positive. Or something like that. ALL the kids were screaming and fighting over my iphone and I could barely hear her in the tiny, echoing den of horrors. The kids were tired and cranky because it was dinner time, we felt like we had lived there the past few days, and angry because how dare I only own one iphone for them to share. Avery managed to snap these when he had gained possession after a major head-banging on the floor tantrum. Maddie was practicing her splits and although he was feeling crappy, Alex couldn't resist jumping down off the table to shove her the rest of the way down, eliciting an eardrum-shattering scream with some crying.

Luckily, the doctor gave us some meds for today in case he got worse. He got worse. So I filled the prescription this morning, brought it home and gave it to him, and then watched him promptly barf it up 15 minutes later. Considering I paid $150 for 10 teaspoons of the stuff, I basically watched $15 get flushed down the drain without helping him a bit. Is there a shot version of that stuff? Cuz he's still barfing and I'm afraid the tonight's dose will end up in the toilet, too.

Jeremy's out of town and just emailed me that he's now feeling sick. So we're spreading our infected joy across the map now. You're all welcome, fellow passengers on his flight. I'm sure tomorrow you'll be thanking the anonymous germ-doner with a one-finger salute as you're suffering in your fetal position, shivering from feverish chills, and wishing you were dead.

Now who's going to volunteer to come take over when I inevitably bite the dust sometime in the next week? Come on, settle down. Don't everyone speak up at once. No takers? Hmm.

Don't worry. I totally get it.

Ramblings: When Good Girls Go Bad

Do you...

...need a locale to shoot your low-budget horror flick?

...need to sharpen your blood-spatter analysis skills?

...need to practice stain-removal techniques?

...need an excuse to hate on Dora?

...have a new black light you wanna try out?

Come on over and tour...

The Crime Scene

1) Dora...The Accused Perp

2) Aidan...The Victim

3) Avery...The Witness/Crime scene expert---

Seen here trying to convince the authorities how Dora, an inanimate and immobile plastic muchacha, suddenly flew into an uncharacteristic rage and forcefully hurled herself (unassisted, of course) across the tub and into Aidan's face

The jury only had to deliberate for about 2 seconds.

Ramblings: To oink, or not to oink

Right as I was stepping off the elliptical this morning at 8:30, nurse Julie from the kids' school called. Five minutes later I was loading the boys up in the car to go pick up Maddie with her 100* temperature. I was not expecting what I saw when I walked into the nurse's office, and I will freely confess that I started laughing.

Maddie was sitting in a chair wearing one of those adult-sized blue face masks. Her head immediately looked shrunken and tiny under that big mask. When I started laughing, I could tell she thought it was funny too, because all of a sudden the mask jumped up and literally covered half her squinted eyeballs as she started smiling. Her's didn't have the pig snout, but I would've LOVED if it did. She REFUSED to let me photograph her with her's on--even at her young age, she's aware that pretty much no one can pull off looking awesome wearing a giant blue face mask.

So I was told because she had a fever and there was so much flu going around, I should take her to the doctor and then call the school back to let them know the results. FABULOUS! OK! HERE WE GO! As we started to leave, we were reminded NOT TO REMOVE THE MASK until we were outside of the final set of school doors. Ahh, nothing like walking around with my cute blond-haired leper.

I may start wearing one of those masks when I go to Walmart, because people sure get out of your way fast when they can't figure out whether you're just being extra careful, or if you are indeed a walking time bomb of highly contagious nastiness. Add a fake cough to that every now and then, and I'd be sailing through those aisles. I may just try it...

I waited on hold for over 15 minutes when I called the doctors office to make an appointment, so I could tell it was going to be a really fun visit. Luckily they were able to get her in at 11:15, and despite the waiting room being filled to capacity, we were outta there in an hour. There were tons of doctors,nurses, and nurse practitioners zipping around that place. The nurse jammed a total of 4 giant, extra long q-tips in a variety of her orifices to check for Strep and the dreaded swine flu. The boys LOVED getting to watch that procedure--it was the quietest and stillest they were the entire day.

Aidan insisted on bringing in his Batman mask. Whatever, crazy. I was trying to teach him to say, "I'm Batman" in that smoky, kinda creepy way that Christian Bale did it in the last Batman movies. He was getting the gravely voice down pretty good but he kept saying, "I'm....Fatman," which of course sounded hysterical coming from behind that mask with that funny voice. Which also meant that we heard it about 20 more times before we left the room.

Aidan and Avery took turns being nuts and trying to break into the doctors cupboards, for what...? Don't know. And neither did they, which is precisely why they were so intent on getting those dang doors open. "Why they lock these, Mom?" "Because of the very thing you're doing right now, Batman."

So her tests came back pig-flu free, but she does indeed have a cold virus along with Strep throat. Luckily after 24 hrs of her meds she shouldn't be contagious anymore and should be back at school by Monday. She was really worried about missing school again cuz she LOVES it. Alex is greatly perplexed by that--he has assured her that by the time she gets to 3rd grade, she'll hate it too.

Two trips to the pharmacy later, she's finally got her first dose of medicine in her and still fully enjoying all the extra special treatment she's scoring due to being sick. A Popsicle with her lunch, a sprite with a flexi-straw, lots of cartoon watching, and pretty much getting to order everyone to stay away from her. And if THAT ain't living like a queen, what is?

She may even convince me to flip on the fireplace so she has somewhere to rest that weary head. (It's 52* right now and we're loving it.)

Ramblings: Whining...in Old English

The kids played outside last night after dinner. It was misty, dreadfully humid, but starting to get a bit cooler. Maddie and Aidan came in before the others and called me into the living room while they were stripping off their shoes and socks.

Maddie: Can we please, please, puh-leeease turn on the fire?
Me: No, the air conditioning is on in here. It's really humid and not really cold at all. Fires are more for wintertime.
Maddie: But if we don't turn on the fire, where can I warm my poor toes-ies and rest my weary head?

Weary head? oh brutha. We've got ourselves a drama queen here.

Ramblings: Tractor Time

Last week the boys and I volunteered to take lunch out to the "farmers" on my parents' ranch. My dad and the guys were baling huge, endless fields of hay. When they're baling it means they're in tractors of some kind all day long--luckily I think they're all air-conditioned. With radios. And GPS. Freaking spoiled farmers these days. haha. It's definitely not something I want to be spending my days doing...but the boys were MORE than happy to help out.

They climbed right up into the giant tractor to do a ride-along with Grandpa. "It was BUMPY!" they reported. There's not much room in that little cab so I assumed their heads were ping-ponging off of all sorts of important gears and levers.

They made a few passes down the rows of cut hay, gathering up the hay and letting the baler roll it into a huge 6 foot ball-o-hay. When it reaches the right size, it's wrapped in this plastic netting stuff, and then the back of the baler lifts up and sorta poops out the bale and it rolls to a stop in the row. Then the tractor with the big metal prongs (impaling devices) can come stab it and move it to wherever you want it. I was pretty sure the boys would try to find a way to skewer themselves like little shishkabobs on those giant metal things before we left that field.


Avery was impressed by the giant tractor tires. He started to reach out to touch it and then got a bit nervous and chickened out, which is understandable since the thing is almost twice as tall as he is.

They thought the whole thing was great big, farmer fun. I can always tell when they're really enjoying something because they'll start pretending that they're in the middle of an episode of their favorite cartoon, The Backyardigans. Or they'll start singing and quoting from favorite episodes they've seen a billion times thanks to our DVR. I was hearing all sorts of songs about being corn farmers and riding tractors.

One of these things is not like the others....although it left looking just as dirty and covered in dust.

We had to drive through a few cow pastures and next to the horsies to get to the hay fields. Even the boys were impressed by the amount and stink of the cow poop.

"YOU'RE SQUISHING IT. EEEWW. STINKY!" as we drove along the roads. "LOOK AT THOSE LITTLE ONES! THEY POOP, TOO!" they screamed about the calves. Yeah, tell me about it--and guess who they probably wipe their poopy bums allover? That's right--their mommas.

3 year old boys and calves=not all that different.

This little "spots" guy ran along with us on our drive out of the ranch. The boys informed me he wanted to come with us, and although I'm sure my home owner's association would be really excited about that, I told them he needed to stay with his other horsey friends. Plus, if he came with us then they'd have to clean up his poop in the backyard all day long. "That's OK!" they decided, WAY too happily. I should've known that would be a plus, not a minus. Needless to say, Spots stayed where he can poop freely all day long.

The farmers were getting tired and hungry by the time they finished their work...but nothing that a hamburger, a cheesy hamburger (Aidan's fave), and 2 chocolate milkshakes couldn't cure on the ride home. If the weather finally cools off, we may have to go play farmer more often.

Ramblings: My wife left me, and my dog's dead

I've mentioned before some things you're obligated to do as a Texan, and attending at least one concert that falls somewhere in the country music genre is definitely on the list. So I'm currently in the frantic process of readying the house and kids for a babysitter, sticking a Costco pizza in the oven for their dinner, and unwrapping a new DVD (Monsters vs. Aliens) so they will at least be occupied with something other than creating utter madness while the poor girl's here.
We're going off to the Zac Brown Band concert--Jeremy's current favorite. He's played their cd so much that even the kids know all the lyrics--even the ones about drinking beer and sticking parts in the sand. I wasn't too excited when I heard them belting those out. They've got alot of good songs, and even though I'm not a huge fan (that's an understatement) of most of the whiny or honky tonk country music out there, I'm looking forward to a night out with dinner and music.

So I'm about to go dust off my skin tight Wranglers and my snakeskin boots--at least I'll blend in a little that way, even if we're the only ones not drinking beer and sneaking dips from the chewing tobacco in our back pockets. Just kidding about the outfit--I haven't owned Wranglers since I was 11 and rode wild horses in horse shows. Or when my brothers and I got dragged on the longest family vacation ever--a ROADTRIP from Texas all the way to Canada in our awesome old blue Suburban, complete with stops along the way for about 10 rodeos and a really rip-roaring (note the sarcasm) Alabama concert.

Or the time when I got shoved at George Strait at a horse sale to get his autograph. You're welcome Aunt Carol, a.k.a. George Strait Super Fan. I'm pretty sure with my giant poodle perm hairdo and huge round glasses, that he thought I was mentally challenged. And who would be rude enough to deny an autograph to a mentally challenged, poodle-haired, four-eyed super-fan in tight Wrangler jeans? I think he even bought a really expensive horse after that. But you can see why after all those experiences I developed a fear of Wranglers. Post traumatic Stress Disorder, for sure.

Anyway, I'll report later how the night goes---and whether the babysitter is still alive when we return home. And how/if I survived all night with Wrangler bums everywhere.

And Grandma--I'm looking for tickets to fly up there and give you a big SPANKING (after a gentle hug, of course). And you tell that ornery heart of yours to stop taking breaks--it's not allowed and we won't tolerate any more of it! Maybe I'll even bring some Wranglers with me to give you a good laugh...