Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Ramblings: Hair-homicide

This one's dedicated to my friend Jessica, who after last night's five hour hair extravaganza, could apparently enter a look alike contest as Elvira. Wondering what she looked like before? Scroll down a bit...that was her in the bug-eyed picture, which is her new favorite picture and she's so happy I put on here.  Didn't she have gorgeous hair? She says it's a thing of the past. 

Things I've learned from her horrifying experience:
1. Don't trust a referral for a hair stylist from your dentist husband or his dentist friends.
2. Don't let anyone that's not used to working on white girls' hair come within 10 feet of you with black dye and red highlights. 
3. The risk of getting an Elvira-do may not be worth any amount of $ you save by going to a beauty school. 
4. Bring a snack to keep your blood sugar up if you do go through with your appointment, because your buns will be in that vinyl chair for over 5 hours. 
5. Bring a witness, so when the stylists argue with you at the end stating that they only gave you the Elvira-ish hair you requested, you will have someone on your side. Otherwise they will gang up on you, then charge you extra because you and your "long hair" have offended them and their styling abilities. 
6. Please, please never park under a tree full of birds. Because if you did go through with the appointment against your better judgement, and you did let the crazies transform your hair at a snail's pace into an unnatural shade of black with red flames, and you did just fight it out with them about if it was indeed what you meant when you said "medium brown with caramel highlights" over five hours ago, and you did just get charged extra for your "long hair" that you now hate with a passion,  then the last thing you're going to want to see is your car covered in bird poop.  
7. Don't tell your husband not to say "Come on, it's not that bad" when he finally sees your horrible hair, because when he honestly tells you "Oh, it really is that bad," you're going to want to punch him in the face. Hard. Let him lie. For his own safety. 

I'm still hoping that it was only semi-permanent color. I'd be hitting that hair with as much deep cleaning shampoo as I could take over the next 24 hours. Although, I haven't seen it yet and I really, really, really want to but she refused to even drive by with her head sticking out the window. Probably because she knows a picture of it will end up here. But come on, I bet it's not that bad...


The Lowe Family said...

WHYYY haven't i heard anything about this? i'm calling kempy right now..i hacve to know what happened. the picture on ur blog isn't popping up. UGGGHHHH

Deanna said...

Poor Jessica! I bet she still looks beautiful. It's probably just VERY different from what she is used to...or not. What do I know? I'm thinking optimistically here.

Do we think she'll show up at church with one of those old lady plastic head covers? Now that would be a sight to see.

Marnie said...

You are the perfect person for this write up. Happy to report that I saw Jessica tonight and the stylist at Mirror Mirror did a beautiful job toning down the color. Sorry Deanna, no old lady plastic head covers.

Larman Family said...

That is some great advice! I only wish I would have read it before I had to chop all my hair off after an indecent just like this one!